At hospital,
when I was trying to push open the door of the taxi,
I was endeavouring at the last chance of life. I had
purchased some new clothes and for about twenty days,
I had done some cycling. In both the vicinities of the
town, I had looked for “Life”. But suicidal
tendencies were seeming to crawl in my being. Death
was becoming apparent for me. I touched the harmonium
but it had lost its tune. I beheld the sun, tried to
mitigate the moon, voiced my opinion to the flowers,
endeavoured to phone my beloved but failed. It was at
this time that Nadeem, my friend informed me that I
had major depressive illness.….. It is a story
of a little child who centuries ago, in his village
house in front of the small gate, in his knickers lay
down. It was an afternoon of winter and he was asking
his mother, Why this life was so difficult?…...
The fact is that I was a born artist. Melody and poetry
were present in my soul. Some books, some people, some
faces gave symmetry to my pain which was very essential
to give impulse to my expression. I, in my boyhood and
early youth, tried to avoid expression. The moon, the
sun, the clouds, rain, snow, the mountains and human
beings were not dealt in by me honestly. I used to think
that if I accept myself, I will scatter but after scattering
myself, I unified into an entity...... They were giving
me electro convulsive therapies to help me while I was
craving for death. I did not wish to commit suicide.
I wished to be destined for that death that was ordained
from above but above was silence…… Prolonged
silence stretching across a thousand years. I had to
draw out life from this staticness. A life with poetry
inducing life with music and love of music and love
of those who weep. Life where mirth and tears, tears
and mirth intermingle with each other in no time. Feelings
unifying to give creation to an exquisite ecstasy. Sometimes
music blends into words and sometimes verse turns to
music. And if voice mixes, life seems to be a figment…….
She was sitting neath a Eucalyptus tree, the bark of
which was torn off from the lower stalk. She, in her
black apparel, was sitting right in front of that place.
She knew, I like black clothes. She often asked me,
“ Why do you like black?” She did not know
that something is associated with a person by birth……
She was lost in another way and I in another. Our needs
had drawn us towards each other.…… She was
weeping and from these droplets, I was inscribing life.
Behind her words, there was an agony. I knew of pain
and consequently fell in love with her ………
It was a season of roses. We, at a little distance from
that very Eucalyptus tree, were looking into the future.
That day she had brought something for me to eat. Roundabout,
roses in their multitude stood but there was no black
rose. I started to search for it and she disappeared…..…
Darkness seemed to lower down. Darkness is always black
except when the moon is up…….. But every
one has his own moon, everyone’s own……
my moon went away……… You and me live
in such an environment where tears fear to be shed.
Innocent wayfarers are plundered by their own guardians.
People distribute the vision. Life is got in a begging
pot. One who has money is considered to possess acme
of mind. How can an artist of such a locality stay excluded
from the pain that resides here. With this faith and
hope that the light of love will touch this place surely,
we begin the event.
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